There are questions that wait in the shadows
doubts that lurk until we shut the lights off
and try to sleep
The kind of despair that forms its own tape over our mouths when we try to pray
trembles in our chest
fights its way out of our throats and sticks in the air
vapor-like warm breath meeting cold wind
God, where are you?
For several years, my friend Kari blogged regularly about things that were saving her life, and reading these posts made this is one of my favorite phrases. It has helped me to look for redemption in the midst of ordinary or sad or terrible moments.
Last night, Tom found me collapsed in our closet, crying. (Yes, Riley was right next to me, assuring me that hanging one’s head in a closet is quite understandable in the midst of grief). This morning, I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. My body and soul felt heavy, achy and detached from the world. My cloud of depression was thick, and I didn’t think I would be able to break through it. I desperately looked for redemption around me, but I had little hope of finding anything.
Then I listened to this. And it saved my life. It’s free, and it’s beautiful, and it is the perfect way to crawl into the sacred suffering of Holy Week.
Go, listen. Let it save your life today.