The Liturgists: Saving my life

There are questions that wait in the shadows
doubts that lurk until we shut the lights off
and try to sleep

The kind of despair that forms its own tape over our mouths when we try to pray
The Question
trembles in our chest
fights its way out of our throats and sticks in the air
vapor-like warm breath meeting cold wind
God, where are you?

The Liturgists

For several years, my friend Kari blogged regularly about things that were saving her life, and reading these posts made this is one of my favorite phrases. It has helped me to look for redemption in the midst of ordinary or sad or terrible moments.

Last night, Tom found me collapsed in our closet, crying. (Yes, Riley was right next to me, assuring me that hanging one’s head in a closet is quite understandable in the midst of grief). This morning, I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck. My body and soul felt heavy, achy and detached from the world. My cloud of depression was thick, and I didn’t think I would be able to break through it. I desperately looked for redemption around me, but I had little hope of finding anything. 

Then I listened to this. And it saved my life. It’s free, and it’s beautiful, and it is the perfect way to crawl into the sacred suffering of Holy Week. 

Go, listen. Let it save your life today.



  1. says

    Yes! I am glad you are sharing. Have you read Leaving Church by BBT? I think she talks about that in An Altar in the World, too.

    • says

      I have not read any of her books! But I recently bought one on my kindle. I need to check and see which one it is!

      I feel like #savingmylife should have taken off as opposed to #1000things. I can’t usually find thousands of things to be thankful for, but I can find little pockets of redemption in the midst of all the bad. Your blog has helped me look for those.

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